More and more I meet women who are so disheartened because their husband’s have stopped really initiating sex and have instead gone to porn for satisfaction. I hear this from women who say they miss having sex with their husbands, and they just don’t know what to do to reestablish the connection.
There are a few reasons for this kind of problem.
1. Porn, compared to real life sex, feels safer for some men. Porn is not so much a sexual experience as it is a fantasy experience where men don’t have to think about the needs of another person, where they don’t have to risk being rejected. In short, porn can make a man feel like a man without requiring him to be one. Men really need to come to terms with this truth about themselves.
2. There’s an important neurological side to this as well. Your husband has built up a habit in his life, trained his brain how to respond sexually. The chemical vasopressin, which is released during sex in a man’s body, bonds a man to his sexual partner, but when he’s using porn, his brain isn’t bonding to a person but to a two-dimensional screen. Over time, as this becomes more ingrained, while he may want sex to turn him on, the neurological ruts in his brain are too deep and he find sex just doesn’t excite him as much as it used to. Some men even experience erectile dysfunction with their wives, but with porn the plumbing works great. That’s not because the problem is in the organ. The problem is in the brain.
It’s important to remember: you aren’t the source of the problem. More that likely, your husband has been into porn long before you came into his life. This habit that has built up over the years has been your husband’s choice, and now he needs to make new choices to move away from his old habit and towards intimacy with you.
I firmly believe this is not the kind of legacy men want in the long run. No man says, “I hope to grow up married to a wonderful woman who waits in bed for me while I’m in the den masturbating to porn.”
If this is the state of things in your marriage, I’m truly sorry. Consider downloading the free ebook Porn and Your Husband. I think you’ll find it helpful.
The post Why Does My Husband Prefer Porn to Sex with Me? appeared first on Covenant Eyes.